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*Updated October 2023
There are four things I stopped doing in midlife that transformed my life in a powerful way and I’m excited to share them with you!
Midlife should be the best phase of your life, a reward for all that you’ve experienced and accomplished.
But, in reality, it can be a bittersweet time that presents its own set of challenges. Nothing can truly prepare you for the physical, emotional and logistical (empty-nest syndrome, retirement) changes that inevitably occur.
However, there are some specific things you can stop doing to take control and make midlife the most fulfilling time of your life!
50 is the New 50
So, is 50 the new 40? For one, I truly hope not. Personally, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now and I wouldn’t choose to go back.
There is no substitute for the richness of life’s experiences and the lessons they hold. And, this new decade is a time to savor life and reap the rewards!
One thing I know for sure is that something about that magical number has changed me.
I’ve become deeply grateful for everything in my life, even the smallest blessings.
I also feel a greater compassion for everyone around me. And, I understand that we each have our own path to walk, so I’m learning to be more respectful of every person’s unique journey.
Midlife Redefined
There is a big upside to navigating though midlife in today’s society. That’s because the idea of what midlife should look like is outdated.
This personal journey into midlife provided me with clarity to make some deliberate changes. I decided that it was time to start living on my terms.
And, the great news is that you now have the freedom to redefine midlife!
This is precisely what sparked my own midlife awakening and finally convinced me to stop doing four specific things.
And just like that, I transformed my life in no time!
4 Things I Stopped Doing in Midlife That Transformed My Life in a Powerful Way!
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Midlife Awakening
Here are the four things that I stopped doing in midlife that transformed my life in a powerful way.
1. I stopped caring about what other people thought of me (for real).
In the past, I spent time worrying about what other people thought of me.
However, I came to realize that people are naturally going to judge others based on their own perspective and set of beliefs. This is something that I cannot possibly control. And, by trying to do so, I was giving my power away.
Now, I’m more concerned with how I feel about myself. And, I use this as a compass to guide my life path.
This was one of the four things I stopped doing in midlife that strengthened my relationship with self, and helped me evolve into a happier, more resilient person.
“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”
Wayne W. Dyer
Stay True to Yourself
Gossip has become a big part of the way people communicate; think social media. We’re quick to judge others or to label someone or something as good or bad.
A lot of what people say can be negative, and it hurts when that negativity is turned toward you.
It can also create a lot of unnecessary drama in your life, but only if you let it. For example, when I started this blog, people weren’t always supportive or encouraging. But, I wanted to honor my inner voice and follow my heart.
This taught me to cheer others on when they have the courage to do something that speaks to their soul whether I understand it or not.
Never underestimate the power and freedom that comes from staying true to yourself and honoring your unique contribution to the world.
Approaching every experience with love and compassion will help you to deal with even the most difficult circ*mstances.
A Word on Compassion
When I am on the receiving end of an unkind comment, or the occasional backhanded compliment, I no longer give it energy.
I actually feel compassion for whoever is choosing to spend their valuable time trying to bring another person down.
And, once I finally stopped caring about what others thought about me, my life improved dramatically. The negative people seemed to drift away or faded into the background of my life.
My Inner Voice
Another thing I stopped doing was asking for advice. This was a huge game-changer.
Looking to others to define what is best for you is never the best option. It can also signify a codependent personality.
Although the people closest to you have your best interests at heart, they can only tell you what would be best for them if they were in your shoes. They cannot know what’s right for you; only you know that!
So, go inward to get the answers.
Then, trust your inner voice and move forward with confidence!
There are no wrong decisions. Either things will work out as planned or you will learn an important lesson.
Whatever the outcome, the Universe will give you the best experience for the evolution of your soul. And, that’s exactly why you’re here!
2. I stopped judging everything.
When I began practicing mindfulness, I was surprised to realize how often I judged everything, right down to the weather!
That’s because the mind, controlled by the ego, creates a constant stream of negative thinking if left unchecked.
Judging another person harshly is not a reflection of them. It’s an indicator of your level of consciousness.
But, this is not who you truly are. It’s simply an expression of ego, so don’t be hard on yourself when trying to break bad habits or change thought patterns.
“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
Earl Nightingale
What Makes Us Judge Others?
- This is how you learned to bond with others when you were young (think high school cliques).
- You may be masking your own insecurities.
- You do the same thing to yourself! If you’re critical of yourself, you may tend to be critical of others, as well.
The Boomerang Effect
What you might not realize is that when you make unkind remarks, the negativity you give out is sent back to you.
As a result, you create bad karma and block your own joy. It may boost your ego in the moment, but it will most likely pull at your conscience later.
Judgement is an ugly thing. We are here to love and support each other. And, if you can’t do that, then don’t add to the negativity in the world.
But, be patient with yourself. It’s inevitable that judgmental thoughts will continue to arise due to the ego.
And, keep in mind that you are not your thoughts. You can choose to observe a negative thought and then simply release it without giving it energy or attention.
Mindfulness as a Communication Tool
Mindfulness improves your ability to communicate effectively with others in difficult situations. That’s because when you are mindful, you can deliberately respond to situations, rather than react to them.
And, being mindful is a daily practice. One effective way to incorporate mindfulness into your routine is to create space in any challenging environment by acting like an outside observer.
Taking a step back (and a deep breath!) will help you to gain clarity and will give you a greater chance of a positive outcome.
In Psychology Today, Barbara Markway, Ph.D. shares some valuable advice, “See if you can understand where the person may be coming from.
Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one.”
Practicing mindfulness can create good karma, improve your mood, and increase the quality of your life. (If you’re interested in reading more about mindfulness, click here.)
3. I stopped agreeing to things that weren’t good for my soul.
I never felt like I fit into any one group. And, although it feels good to belong, I was okay with forging my own path.
But, when I hit my mid-forties, I became even more selective. I no longer attempted to feign interest in things that didn’t make me feel joy. It was time to be true to myself.
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”
Lalah Delia
Growing Pains
But, it wasn’t easy at first. I noticed that a lot of conversations were opportunities to complain or gossip.
I had very little to contribute, so I became a great listener!
I also learned how to better communicate with others by getting curious about their interests. People love to talk about what inspires them.
Also, if someone asks me to do something I’m not interested in, I simply say, “That’s not something I am interested in”.
I no longer feel as though I have to give an explanation. This is one very empowering thing I stopped doing in midlife. (However, feel free to suggest something you would both enjoy.) Your circle may grow smaller, but the quality of your life will improve!
Everyone has the free will to choose their own path. So, give yourself permission to be unapologetically you. You will discover that a brand new set of possibilities will open up to you!
So, here are some examples of the things I stopped doing in midlife.
- I limit the amount of time I spend watching television. Instead, I read, write and research.
- I stopped drinking alcohol, except for an occasional glass of wine.
- I stopped gossiping or complaining by practicing mindfulness. Now, I consciously create good karma.
- I started practicing acceptance. When I’m about to say something negative about someone else’s behavior or choices, I remind myself that that’s where they are in their journey.
- I don’t participate in anything that hurts people or animals, or anything that adds to the chaos, violence, or negativity of the world.
- I fill my life with positive, joyful things to create the best possible life experience.
By staying true to myself, I’m able to use my valuable time wisely.
For instance, I created this blog, and I pursue my interests more fully. I also have more time to spend with the people that mean the most to me!
4. I stopped caring about things that didn’t matter.
When I was younger, I didn’t have the insight that I have now. I spent time worrying about the little things.
And, I’d have an emotional reaction when things didn’t go my way. As a result, life circ*mstances controlled me and not the other way around.
However, at this point in my life, I’m tuned in to what truly matters. Spending time with family and friends, pursuing my passions, caring for my animals, and discovering other cultures top the list.
As one of the four things I stopped doing in midlife, not caring about trivial matters resulted in me becoming a happier, healthier and more carefree person.
Self-Acceptance
In the past, I’d allow other people to make me feel good or bad, worthy or unworthy of their affections. Fast forward to today, I feel such compassion for my younger self.
I also had this crazy idea that life was supposed to work out in my favor. In other words, I let the outside world dictate my emotional state and tell me how to feel about myself.
I can’t imagine what I was thinking back then! It seems ridiculous to me now that I was seeking validation, happiness, and acceptance from the outside world.
Joy only comes from within. And, once I figured this out, everything changed!
Now that I stopped doing this one thing in midlife, I feel more joy and confidence than I could’ve imagined.
If you’d like to read more about self acceptance and self-esteem, here are some articles you might find helpful:
- 5 Ways to Free Yourself from Codependency Now!
- 3 Ways to Learn How to Trust Your Feelings as a Recovering Codependent
- 3 Key Skills Codependents and Empaths Need for a Happy Life
The Big Life Questions
And, all of this is just part of the journey. When you know better, you do better!
Now, I’m focused on on developing the quality of my life.
Here are the key questions I use to guide my life:
- What is life trying to teach me?
- What experiences do I wish to fill my life with?
- How do I want to spend my valuable time?
- What kinds of relationships do I want to cultivate?
- How am I making the lives of the people around me better?
- How can I make a difference in my corner of the world?
- Am I approaching life with love, understanding, and compassion?
By reminding myself everyday of what’s important, the little annoyances in life don’t register with me anymore.
I don’t give any attention to negative, low energy thoughts, people, or situations. Now, I put my focus on beautiful, positive, high energy things in life.
Embracing Midlife
Now that I’m over 50, I think about all of the wisdom I’ve accumulated over the years and I feel a deep sense gratitude.
I’m much less critical of myself and others. Every day that passes, I feel more like my authentic self. And, a lot of it can be attributed to the things I stopped doing in midlife.
There is so much to look forward to, especially through the lens of doing it just for the sake of doing it, not because of what other people think.
After years of trial and error, I have finally found my footing. I’m in love with the person I’ve become and the life I’ve created, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!
Recreate Yourself
Only you have the power to recreate yourself and write your own happy ending despite your hardships.
When you learn the important life lessons you are meant to learn, you can open yourself up to unlimited possibilities.
You are special, unique, and whole; you are here for a special purpose. Are you ready for the challenge? It’s time to get into warrior mode. A fresh, new chapter of your life awaits! Enjoy!
Get Inspired!
There are some easy and effective things you can do starting now to feel confident and energized everyday:
- Use anti-aging body lotion.
- Have a daily/nightly beauty routine.
- Make exercise a priority.
- Create a personal vitamin/supplement regime.
- Find the perfect anti-aging supplement.
- Take a quality probiotic.
- Take Clary Sage oil to relieve symptoms of menopause naturally.
So, how did you deal with turning 50? Did any of the things I stopped doing in midlife resonate with you? I’d love to get some advice and keep the conversation going. Please comment below!
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Disclosure: Melissa Damiani is a participant in the Routine Probiotics Affiliate Program an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to merchant, and the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking amazon.com. Although I only promote products that I love, use, and have confidence in, always do your own research before purchasing any product. Read my disclaimer here.
